The Squirrel Eviction

For the last two years, I’ve had two extra roommates in the roof. I don’t know their names, but I usually call them Mr. and Mrs. Squirrel. They’re the worst kind of roommate: they don’t pay rent, they’re terribly noisy, and they eat the walls.

I’ve been calling Mike the maintenance guy about the squirrels for the last two years, but I’m pretty sure he’s never done anything about them. I generally don’t notice them, but when December came by, the squirrels started getting obnoxious. It’s cold out, it’s nice and warm in my roof, and I think they moved in permanently.

So, I texted and called Mike.


He never came by. So, more phone calls and text messages.


And… he never came by.

Fast forward to Tuesday this week, when I came home, turned on the light, and saw that there was a hole on the wall. Eeeek! I started imagining waking up and seeing a squirrel dive bombing into the living room. Or eating breakfast with me.

So… more texts and phone calls.


And I sent him a video of the sound (probably the third or fourth time I’ve done this over the two years). As you can tell, they are really loud.

He said he’d come by the next day, but… no. So then on Friday, I come home and… there was stuff coming out of the walls.


Squirrels! Breaking into the house! I sent that text at 6pm on a Friday night. At 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning… squirrel doomsday. I woke up, and Mike and his crew had descended upon the living room. They covered everything in plastic wrap, Dexter-style.


They first banged on the wall and through the window I saw a squirrel dash across the tree in front of my house. They banged on it again and I saw another one. I guess that was the Mr. and Mrs.!


If this had been the spring or the summer, they probably could’ve taken care of this from the outside, but given that everything was covered in snow, they had to cut into the roof from the inside.


To find the hole, they ended up having to cut out the entire corner until they could find the hole on the exterior. They plugged it with steel wool, filled the gap, and sealed it back shut. They were done within an hour.

It took two years, but we finally evicted the squirrel roommates.